Friday, August 31, 2012
My Song "Suicide"
There is a song of mine that I did that I am suddenly getting a lot of good feedback about. The song is called "Suicide" and I wrote and recorded it back in January of 2010. It was during this time that I actually recorded about 60 songs within a month's time as I poured my soul out. I was browsing through the instrumentals of one of my favorite producers (Exile Beats) on Soundclick and found this beat and turned off the lights and wrote and recorded Suicide in just minutes.
My wife tells me it is one of her LEAST favorite songs of mine because obviously it is a touchy subject as I have attempted suicide a few times in my life. Though I understand where she is coming from I actually think this is my favorite song I've done because it was one of those songs that I just said how I felt and didn't worry about any mistakes made in my delivery or slurred words. I talk about my suicide attempts and thoughts because if there are people out there who can relate to that then hopefully I am able to connect and keep them from breaking down.
I use a bit of Pink Floyd's song "Goodbye Cruel World" off the album "The Wall" in the chorus and basically tell you about my insecurities as a man and as a human being. I talk about the irrational thoughts that crowd my brain when I'm in those down moods (manic depression is really a bitch!) and as I've said I just started getting tons of feedback on it out of the blue. It is flattering to know that I can have that impact on somebody, as my heroes John Lennon and Hendrix and 2pac etc. have inspired me, I would like to inspire others.
Dealing with depression has really been a long hard fight but I am still standing tall with my fists up ready for more.
Joey Z
P.S. <<< This is what the alphabet would look like if the Q and R didn't exist...
oh but really P.S. click the "Suicide" link at the top to hear the song, in case you don't know already...
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Bipolar Stigma
The fact of the matter is, bipolar disorder as well as other forms of mental illness brings about a stigma for those struggling with their disorder. Many will neglect they have a problem or fail to seek help because they do not want to be labeled as crazy, unreliable, unstable or even contagious.
What is it about society that makes people feel this way to the extent that they would go untreated for a serious illness out of fear? As a sufferer of bipolar disorder I can honestly say I've felt these feelings and I've often felt embarrassed to even tell people I am bipolar. It was only recently that I started to lean more towards being more positive and honest about my condition because I figure it might help others to understand they are not facing this beast alone.
I was reading some emails from a few teenagers that feel they are bipolar but are afraid to tell their parents because of various different reasons. This is a shame because our children should NEVER have to fear coming to us when they need and any parent that doesn't make their children feel like it is safe to confide in them is not doing their job! Sorry to be blunt but I have to be, in order for our children to be safe we must care about how they feel and must show that we care enough to LISTEN. Just listen...
I encourage all parents to talk to their children frequently, not necessarily about serious issues but just talk and listen and build that bridge of communication. Build a strong relationship with your child so that they know when something is wrong or they're not feeling right they can say something to you without being judged or yelled at or even "brushed off". Show a child just one time that you don't have the time and it could be the last time you ever hear from them or speak to them. It hurts me to see and hear stories of kids committing suicide when there is supposed to be support for all of our kids.
Joey Dangerously,
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Coping Skills: Artistic Healing
Ever since I was a child I have expressed myself through creative arts such as poetry and music. I have written hundreds of songs and thousands of poems and even have a few short stories floating around out there somewhere that I didn't even keep copies of. The need to create was just always there for me and it wasn't until I started researching bipolar disorder and found the studies showing links between the arts/creativity and bipolar disorder.
I think I believe this theory is true because for me the creativity comes from me working so hard to focus my mental and spiritual energy on projects that will turn whatever stress I'm feeling into a positive. Poetry was always the number 1 outlet but with bipolar disorder it's hard for me to focus on just one thing and so I ended up experimenting with several different things. Music is where I feel I'm accomplishing the most and I find that I have learned the most about myself since I've been working with music. I also get to listen to how I've felt before and analyze my situations so it's like I'm just recording self therapy sessions.
I grew up idolizing John Lennon and Jimi Hendrix and whenever I needed them they were there for me. I would sit in my room and blast some Jimi or Lennon and get in my zone for a little while to escape if only for a bit. I really felt like these guys were speaking to me and they helped me get through a lot and I am sure that if I hadn't had their music I might not have made it. That's why I decided to take my poetry and branch out into music and even with writing stories. I figured I have all of these crazy ideas I might as well put them down just in case.
When I would listen to my favorites I felt like they were helping me out so when I put songs out or write a poem or even blog I really hope that I am able to have the same impact. I don't care about charts or sales I just want to be a part of inspiring people to better themselves and better their communities. We have a duty as fellow human beings to look out for one another regardless of family relations or economic status in society or any of these dividers we have in our world today.
I encourage people to grab a notebook and at least journal about their daily lives just to put their feelings and thoughts somewhere. It is beneficial in many ways as you can go back and reexamine things or you don't ever have to read it again or let anyone else read it if you don't want them to. You may discover things about yourself and you also will develop a skill for bringing yourself out of a bad situation. You might be going through something and writing out your fears and worries may help you calm and focus yourself into coming to a better understanding as to what you should do. All you did was write in your journal and accidentally stumbled onto a peace of mind!
Joey
I think I believe this theory is true because for me the creativity comes from me working so hard to focus my mental and spiritual energy on projects that will turn whatever stress I'm feeling into a positive. Poetry was always the number 1 outlet but with bipolar disorder it's hard for me to focus on just one thing and so I ended up experimenting with several different things. Music is where I feel I'm accomplishing the most and I find that I have learned the most about myself since I've been working with music. I also get to listen to how I've felt before and analyze my situations so it's like I'm just recording self therapy sessions.
I grew up idolizing John Lennon and Jimi Hendrix and whenever I needed them they were there for me. I would sit in my room and blast some Jimi or Lennon and get in my zone for a little while to escape if only for a bit. I really felt like these guys were speaking to me and they helped me get through a lot and I am sure that if I hadn't had their music I might not have made it. That's why I decided to take my poetry and branch out into music and even with writing stories. I figured I have all of these crazy ideas I might as well put them down just in case.
When I would listen to my favorites I felt like they were helping me out so when I put songs out or write a poem or even blog I really hope that I am able to have the same impact. I don't care about charts or sales I just want to be a part of inspiring people to better themselves and better their communities. We have a duty as fellow human beings to look out for one another regardless of family relations or economic status in society or any of these dividers we have in our world today.
I encourage people to grab a notebook and at least journal about their daily lives just to put their feelings and thoughts somewhere. It is beneficial in many ways as you can go back and reexamine things or you don't ever have to read it again or let anyone else read it if you don't want them to. You may discover things about yourself and you also will develop a skill for bringing yourself out of a bad situation. You might be going through something and writing out your fears and worries may help you calm and focus yourself into coming to a better understanding as to what you should do. All you did was write in your journal and accidentally stumbled onto a peace of mind!
Joey
Friday, August 10, 2012
Comedy Feels Good!
They say laughter is the best medicine. For many years in fact, comedy
has been used to lift the spirits of so many people and is arguably one
of the greatest tools to unite people in times when this is much
needed. There's nothing like an out roar of laughter to make someone
feel better about whatever is going on in their lives.
There have been so many great comedians throughout history too and as powerful as they were/are with their comedy they should be considered doctors! Names like Richard Pryor, Bill Cosby, Mitch Hedberg, Eddie Griffin, Jim Carrey, and the list goes on and on and on! These are some of the best at what they do/did. Stand up comedy is such an incredible force and can really leave you with your sides hurting from all the laughter. It is even better when the comic is really ON! A Comedy Club should be viewed more as a clinic or hospital than anything because there's lots of healing going on in them places!
There are also wonderful movies that will make you laugh your stress and sorrow away as well. There are just so many to choose from that it makes it hard to even discuss because we could go for hours, heck, maybe even days! More recently I got to see the movie "Ted" an outrageously funny movie from Seth McFarlane. The creator of Family Guy and other shows such as The Cleveland Show and American Dad, McFarlane can also be seen on some Comedy Central Roasts serving up some side splitting laughter to the masses.
There's also doctors Zack Galifianakis and Will Ferrell as well as other favorites of mine such as Jeffrey Ross (the roastmaster himself!) and the late Greg Giraldo could really leave you thinking at the same time as making you laugh til you were crying.
There are so many great comedians that give us/gave us so much great material to keep us medicated for a lifetime. We just need to appreciate this form of therapy as a legitimate way of coping with bad feelings and bad situations. There is seemingly nothing better than a good comedy when you want to feel better! Well except maybe sex but we can't get that all the time now can we? And it can also be way more expensive and is harder to obtain than a comedy.
Live, Laugh, Love!
Joey
There have been so many great comedians throughout history too and as powerful as they were/are with their comedy they should be considered doctors! Names like Richard Pryor, Bill Cosby, Mitch Hedberg, Eddie Griffin, Jim Carrey, and the list goes on and on and on! These are some of the best at what they do/did. Stand up comedy is such an incredible force and can really leave you with your sides hurting from all the laughter. It is even better when the comic is really ON! A Comedy Club should be viewed more as a clinic or hospital than anything because there's lots of healing going on in them places!
There are also wonderful movies that will make you laugh your stress and sorrow away as well. There are just so many to choose from that it makes it hard to even discuss because we could go for hours, heck, maybe even days! More recently I got to see the movie "Ted" an outrageously funny movie from Seth McFarlane. The creator of Family Guy and other shows such as The Cleveland Show and American Dad, McFarlane can also be seen on some Comedy Central Roasts serving up some side splitting laughter to the masses.
There's also doctors Zack Galifianakis and Will Ferrell as well as other favorites of mine such as Jeffrey Ross (the roastmaster himself!) and the late Greg Giraldo could really leave you thinking at the same time as making you laugh til you were crying.
There are so many great comedians that give us/gave us so much great material to keep us medicated for a lifetime. We just need to appreciate this form of therapy as a legitimate way of coping with bad feelings and bad situations. There is seemingly nothing better than a good comedy when you want to feel better! Well except maybe sex but we can't get that all the time now can we? And it can also be way more expensive and is harder to obtain than a comedy.
Live, Laugh, Love!
Joey
Forgiveness Therapy
Holding on to a grudge or any negative feelings towards someone can cause you a great deal of stress which can be bad for your physical health as well as mental health. I myself have been carrying so much stress inside me for such a long time and on top of bipolar disorder and PTSD it has seriously added to my problems. Carrying burdens and chips on my shoulders has been a very tough task and I really needed a break from all of it.
One night in the early months of 2012 I happened to stumble upon PBS and this particular night they were running shows about mental health which included bipolar disorder. The next show that came on was called "Forgiveness: This Emotional Life" and as I watched it I had a really strange feeling like I was meant to be watching it, especially at that moment. For the first few minutes I was yelling at the TV arguing my case like "it's easier said than done jerks!!" but the more I watched the more I started to pay attention.
There were several people giving their testimonials about what they went through and a lot of them were very similar to me. I started to further examine the very concept of forgiveness and asked myself if I could actually do it. Could I actually find what it takes deep down to forgive those I had been carrying negative feelings towards and if I could then would it really help me feel better? At first I thought "NO".
It takes a huge heart and a lot of soul searching and deep thought to consider the healing powers of forgiveness. After a while I was able to finally let go of the pain and stress and anger and drop the anger and move forward in life. Little by little I started to tear down the walls I had built over the years and am still doing so.
It has been a very rough life! These past few years alone have taken a lot out of me and I have felt like I was ready to throw in the towel but once I started to put my mind and heart to forgiving I started to feel less stress and the weight on my shoulder seemed to lift big time.
I also was able to look closer at the people I've idolized in my life like The Beatles, John Lennon, Jimi Hendrix etc. and I thought "well how can I be all for songs like "give peace a chance" "let it be" "imagine" and stuff like that yet not live my life the way those songs suggest. So yes I found that it was time for me to give peace a chance and let things be. So if you can just imagine yourself letting go of whatever anger or negative emotion you are feeling towards somebody then you might also be relieved of some stress.
One night in the early months of 2012 I happened to stumble upon PBS and this particular night they were running shows about mental health which included bipolar disorder. The next show that came on was called "Forgiveness: This Emotional Life" and as I watched it I had a really strange feeling like I was meant to be watching it, especially at that moment. For the first few minutes I was yelling at the TV arguing my case like "it's easier said than done jerks!!" but the more I watched the more I started to pay attention.
There were several people giving their testimonials about what they went through and a lot of them were very similar to me. I started to further examine the very concept of forgiveness and asked myself if I could actually do it. Could I actually find what it takes deep down to forgive those I had been carrying negative feelings towards and if I could then would it really help me feel better? At first I thought "NO".
It takes a huge heart and a lot of soul searching and deep thought to consider the healing powers of forgiveness. After a while I was able to finally let go of the pain and stress and anger and drop the anger and move forward in life. Little by little I started to tear down the walls I had built over the years and am still doing so.
It has been a very rough life! These past few years alone have taken a lot out of me and I have felt like I was ready to throw in the towel but once I started to put my mind and heart to forgiving I started to feel less stress and the weight on my shoulder seemed to lift big time.
I also was able to look closer at the people I've idolized in my life like The Beatles, John Lennon, Jimi Hendrix etc. and I thought "well how can I be all for songs like "give peace a chance" "let it be" "imagine" and stuff like that yet not live my life the way those songs suggest. So yes I found that it was time for me to give peace a chance and let things be. So if you can just imagine yourself letting go of whatever anger or negative emotion you are feeling towards somebody then you might also be relieved of some stress.
Monday, July 30, 2012
Mania
In my last post I talked about the depression side of Bipolar Disorder. Tonight I will talk about the manic side of Bipolar Disorder. Manic episodes or "mania" are no joke believe you me!
Symptoms of mania include:
Symptoms of mania include:
Mood Changes
A prolonged period of a mood that's unusual for the person is required for a diagnosis of mania. The first two below are part of the specific diagnostic criteria for a manic episode; the others are descriptions of the way these moods may be expressed.- Abnormally elevated or expansive mood
- Extreme and abnormal irritability
- Easily excited to enthusiasm, anger, agitation or another emotion
- Unusual hostility
Increased Energy
Whether these symptoms are noticed independently by others depends on a number of factors. For example, the change in sleep patterns won't be apparent in a person who lives alone, unless that person speaks about it to others.- Decreased need for sleep with little fatigue
- An increase in goal-directed activities
- Restlessness
Speech Disruptions
These symptoms are particularly easy for others to notice.- Incoherent speech
- Clang associations (which can also occur in schizophrenia , schizo affective disorder and other psychotic disorders)
- Rapid, pressured speech
Impaired Judgment
The first three symptoms listed below are very much related to social situations, and are quite likely to be noticed by family members, friends, co-workers, etc. The last two are often obvious and can have particularly far-reaching consequences. In some cases, however, the manic or hypomanic person will try to hide those behaviors.- Inappropriate humor and behaviors
- Unusual impulsiveness
- Lack of insight
- Financial extravagance and/or recklessness
- Hypersexuality
Changes in Thought Patterns
Some of these symptoms can't be observed by anyone but the person experiencing them, but he or she may tell friends and loved ones about them.- Unusual distractibility
- Enhanced creative thinking and/or behaviors
- Flight of ideas
- Disorientation
- Disjointed thinking
- Racing thoughts
- Increased focus on religion or religious activities
Fluctuations Between Mania and Depression
Finally, a person with bipolar disorder will likely have periods of depression as well as periods of mania or hypomania. These periods are called episodes. A person must have had at least one episode of mania for a doctor to diagnose bipolar I disorder, and both hypomaniac and depressive episodes to be diagnosed with bipolar II disorder.
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