In my first blog I discussed my struggles with depression and bipolar disorder and mentioned my diagnoses of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I wanted to follow up today and mention that I felt really good to put all of that out there like that. My main hope is that people who are struggling like me or even worse can read my blogs and realize that they are not alone and that we don't have to fight this alone. I am here for any of you that wish to discuss your situations or even just to shoot the breeze.
I want to get into a little more about myself just to let you know more about who I am and what I represent. My 30th birthday is this monday and I honestly don't know how I feel about it. I'm not so excited for my own birthday and usually I am. Maybe it is because I miss my Mom so much? She died in 2010 and while I've been puffing my chest out and putting a smile on my face I don't know how much I've really "healed" or "gotten over" her passing. My Mom was the one who gave me my heart and gave me life. I always imagined her being there for my 30th birthday party, and honestly I get a little sad that my daughter will never get to know her grandmother because she was 2 when she died. Plus the situation I am in financially and lacking the funds to even get my meds is also taking a toll on my spirits.
As I mentioned before I am a poet and have been for almost all of my life. I started when I was very young and it always gave me a way to get my feelings out and my ideas. I'm a very imaginative person and I love to create and am into abstract kind of things. A huge Jimi Hendrix fan and I love Pink Floyd (David Gilmour) a bunch. In the 90's as a teenager I was heavy into John Lennon. I would sit and listen to all of his albums when I was down and depressed and always felt like Lennon was talking right to ME.
I started working at a program called City Year in Philadelphia. It is an Americorps program for young men and women ages 17-24 and can be a very positive experience. You can make a big difference in your community while earning some money to further your education. I got to do many great things in my two years working at City Year. Aside from all of the wonderful community service I took part in and the children I helped, I got to meet Bill Clinton when he was president and then George W Bush twice when he was president. I have my beefs with government and politics in general but I must say that I found Bush to be a very nice man and Clinton as well. They both spoke to me like I was an actual human being not just people shaking hands at a public relations event. I also got to meet Martin Luther King Jr the 3rd and many other wonderful public figures. My overall favorite part of being in the program though was working with the children. One little girl actually told me once she wished I was her Dad and that melted my heart away. I was only 19 at that time.
During my time in City Year I was working on a bit of a far fetched plan to promote peace. Like I said, I was very into John Lennon and the guy actually had me thinking I could bring attention to peace by doing far out things like he did. I devised a plan for a peace festival at Philadelphia's Penn's Landing. My planning went well, I was able to get coca cola to agree to help sponsor and was looking for other sponsors to help but coca cola said only if I was to get the City Of Philadelphia to approve the permit for my festival and all that legal junk. Well, I had a meeting with the mayor's office one morning and while they applauded my idea they just rejected it and said it couldn't happen. I was discouraged and scrapped my plans.
Around this time I started putting my poetry to hip hop instrumentals and was like hell yeah I am gonna take the world by storm! Only problem with that was I really sucked! I mean I would probably be out rapped by Bea Arthur (R.I.P. Maude). I kept at it though and started to write more from my heart and be as honest as possible. I purchased myself a good recording microphone and I started to improve.I got myself Acoustica Mixcraft software and a "beat maker" program called DubTurbo and began compiling songs, recording about 60 in a 3 month period in 2011.
In my music I try to carry on the messages of my teachers (2pac, Lennon, Hendrix, Bobby Seale, Malcolm X, Gandhi, Forrest Gump and of course my Mom) and most importantly I express MY opinions and feelings as I feel them. My music and poetry are just two "coping skills" that help get me through my battle with bipolar disorder. I am surprised here and there when I get "fan mail" in my inbox especially when one guy told me one of my songs really helped him through the death of his Mom. That to me is worth much more than any amount of money.
My goal as an artist is to rid the world of this silly notion that making money is what making music is about. I do NOT charge for my music, never ever ever. I do offer them up as ways of bringing in some fundraising money for numerous causes, but mainly I just make t shirts and other merchandise to sell on my web store. I ask that people please show support and purchase something from the site because I'd like to be able to do positive things in the community but as a broke man pushing 30 on disability barely getting by it's just impossible for me to do any of that. So I put my work out there and see if people would be willing to donate, call it my "lemonade stand".
Lastly I want to tell you all that I know this world seems to be burning right now and right here in the United States things are really screwed up and it is pretty scary, but please don't forget that we the people have the ability to set it straight if we really put our minds and hearts to it. The biggest thing missing in society right now is respect/self respect. Bring those things back to life and we could really get something going. We just have to stop being so lazy and do the work and quit waiting for somebody else to come save us or a politician to put things right. Power to the PEOPLE!
That will probably be it for this weekend. I have a phone interview with Chi Scene Radio tuesday but I am not sure when the interview will be aired. I will keep you posted on that. Have a great weekend everybody stay safe and stay cool!
Joe
I'm so sorry for your loss. I can empathize with you, I lost my mother but in a very different way (she has schizophrenia and can barely communicate). I also deal with PTSD (long story).
ReplyDeleteWhat an interesting life you've lead and it sounds like you have a big heart. That really sucks that the city wouldn't let you promote peace. I can't fathom why they would object to doing something good like that. Keep pushing through, you must be a very strong person to have made it this far.
Thank you very much Rebekah! I am sorry to hear about your Mother, it is very difficult to watch loved ones go through anything like that!
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